Last night I dreamed I was standing at the beach. The skies were dark and in the distance there was a great tsunami rapidly approaching. The wall of water was hundreds of feet tall and it was immediately apparent that I could not escape its pursuit. As the water hit me I could feel my body going in many different directions. The rush of fear was immediate and crippling. My only thought was of trying to get to the surface though it seemed insurmountable. Everything about me was washed away. The only thing that was left was my instinct for survival. The dream was spot on as this is where I am now in my life, fighting for survival, and I must strip away everything that prevents me from fighting my way to the surface and finding life.
I am so done with mediocrity. It has been a part of my life for about a year now. It all started when I became too overwhelmed to finish one of my graduate classes in the spring of 2012. Just typing out the word overwhelmed makes me feel weak. I am not completely sure what happened. Things just got crazy at the end of that semester and I couldn't finish it. The professor was nice enough to let me have an incomplete and I have until April of this year to finish the course. Did you read that? April of this year. I have had almost a year to get my shit together and I have failed so far. In that time I have managed to float through life like some kind balloon filled with helium that is slowly falling back towards earth. Who wants that? I mean really, WHO WANTS THAT? I know I don't, but I have not been able to shake this weight of failure off of my back. There have been glimpses of daylight, times when I think maybe today is the day I move forward. However after a few days of fighting for life I began to slink back into my old ways of failure....Not Anymore. As I said earlier: I am done with mediocrity. This is really not as easy as saying that and then pretending everything is fine. It is only through completely killing off my old self and recreating a new one that this will be accomplished. Don't get me wrong, there are a few traits of the old me that are great. Those things I will hold on to. The other things though, the laziness, the weakness, the man filled with excuses, he is gone. I do not know him anymore.
As a warrior I must also renew my commitment to my body as well. Like many others, I have let my body gain mass and increase in softness. I am not ready for an incoming attack. I could not defend my wife and house if someone decides they want what is mine. This really shakes me. What am I if not a man? I provide and protect. Those are the most basic of my functions yet it is clear that I am failing at one of them, possibly both.
I am not looking to change everything about my life. This is not a mid-life crisis. This is taking what I have and getting the absolute most from it. I have all of the tools to make myself the best I have ever been. I will stop procrastinating. I will stop making excuses. I will stop pretending that I can do this by myself. I need my wife and I need my Lord to power me when I feel that I cannot. I know that I was a fool to think that I could do this on my own.
Today I will start on a journey that only the most brave will try and replicate. I will show others that it is possible to change your life so that everything and everyone in it are there to serve the purpose of you gaining the ultimate life, the Warrior Life. May my ancestors and my God give me strength.
